truth

   Today, all the thoughts inside my head are chasing each other around and it hurts to think.

I love You everyday. 

   This morning I lay awake imagining the sunrise outside the curtains, and it felt like all was right in the world. I know it’s cheating yourself, but you are entitled to do whatever you can to make the hurting go away. Maybe it was the quiet and the dawn- the thought of a day yet unsullied by anything bad. Maybe that was it.

This is important. I need you to dance for me. I need you to hold me. I need you to tell me it'll be okay. 

   I thought today was going to make me feel better, and in a way it did. But no matter how you try, you just can’t seem to change some things.

I feel safest when I'm with You. Because You never change, and love me all the same. 

Talking about the future scared me today. It normally doesn’t. What we want to do when we’re done here, what we dream about, our doubts and incapabilities. Maybe it’s just me, but dreams seem to be harder and harder to come by these days. People take it in and breathe, and it seems like something easy to do. I used to be able to do it too. But when I try nowadays, it hurts to breathe. So it scares me.

   It’s odd how the absolute quiet in an empty cinema twenty minutes before a movie begins feels like something unconsciously searched for. I felt like I could stay there forever.

 I think I was looking for a little bit of You. 

   It’s funny how you take a movie to heart and remember things you aren’t sure you want to remember.

   It’s funny how everyone is absolutely quiet when two people are kissing onscreen. It’s funny how you feel all the way down to your toes, and you want to smile but don't. 

   So what are you supposed to do when you have worked to get where you are, only to find yourself back on square one all over again? It’s depressing and complete utter rubbish, that’s what it is. Today, just today, I can’t stand myself. Leave me the hell alone.

 Please love me back.