mentality

   Somebody I used to talk to once told me that I take things much too seriously. That I had this almost insane need to understand things, as much as I knew I could not or should not. I still don't really know what to make of this, seeing as how someone else tells me this is just an overabundance of feeling things. 

 

   Seriously?  I talk to these people in my life and they tell me things about myself and about life that I would never have found out about otherwise. For this I am grateful. 

   But I never know what to make of these things they tell me. Deep in the nights, when I'm lying and dreaming; early in the mornings, where we talk about what we could be and what we want to do and what people we have fallen in love with in the past. We speak like only those destined to speak to each other can speak. I know destiny is kind of a Walt Disney mentality and crap according to today's standards, but I really do think I was supposed to meet those people and talk to them about those things. Strangers out of the blue, people you meet in coffee shops and roadsides and schools that you long left. People you'd not talk to in real life because you wouldn't know how to start. 

   So what becomes reality and what is mere dreaming? You tell me that. 

   Sometimes, during the talking, I feel the closeness so much to this other person I don't know whom I am temporarily sharing my life with that it hurts to breathe. And then I ask myself whether or not I would die of feeling too much if ever I did fall in love with another person other than myself. 

 

 I am still waiting for that which I myself do not know.