want

It’s simple.

If you’re hungry, then eat. If you’re hurting, then go wild. If you’re in pain, then scream. This is what it means to be alive.

I’m pretty sure all the things that mattered are in there somewhere. 

And I’m pretty sure they’re all important, because maybe they all counted for something, and maybe once upon a time somewhere I used to know them all.

   But then I see people like you out of the corner of my eye, and then it’s all gone and lost and I can’t find anything and maybe it mattered once but it doesn’t anymore.

 Live through this, live and live and live.

No matter what you thought, and no matter how much you hurt, and no matter how much you come apart at the end.

The color is back, but the cold is here again and people I don’t know are screaming things in languages I don’t understand.  There is a drum beat in my head that only I can hear, and it’s counting down the seconds until I die.

  I have a feeling this is another of those things that should matter but it doesn’t feel right so I tell myself I don’t care but maybe I do because sometimes you don't get a choice. There isn’t enough life for all I want to live, and the wanting is so bad I can’t stand it.

There has to be more than just this.